


A Cowboy dies last

by SprinkleSparke



Category: Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Melancholy, Oppression, Repressed Feelings, Sadness, father daughter bonding, i mean it’s Brokeback Mountain of course it’s sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-04 06:14:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17299289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SprinkleSparke/pseuds/SprinkleSparke
Summary: Ennis Del Mar is sick. His death is unavoidable. When his daughter Junior visits him for the last time he tells her about his forgotten love, the hurt and all the time that could have been.





	A Cowboy dies last

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first fic in English, so don’t be too harsh on me. I’m still learning....Who else is still crying about Brokeback Mountain and can’t and will not shut up about it? Enjoy reading!  
> My twitter is @7Osfreddie (the zero is an O)

"Kuuuurt!" 

Holding her crying baby with one arm on her hip and stirring the soup with the other arm, Alma Junior called for her husband. 

"Did the mailbox swallow you, or what?" She laughed briefly at her own rather stupid joke, putting her baby daughter Elle in the high seat and giving her a bottle, which finally put her to rest. Her husband actually just wanted to go to get the mail, which were always just advertising, newspaper and invoices anyways, with one or the other exception from her sister or Kurt's parents, who sometimes sent them postcards. 

Junior opened the window from where she could watch her husband standing motionless with something in his hand on the porch. Looking more closely, she saw how his shoulders were shaking. "What's going on?" She immediately asked in a serious voice. "It's rom your father." Okay, that was weird, but not all too unusual. Her father, Ennis Del Mar, occasionally sent a letter on birthdays or Christmas, but today was neither. "What is he writing?" 

Kurt turned to his wife. Grief glistened in his eyes. "He's sick, sweetheart. Very sick. "

•••

The car ride to her father's trailer occurred to Junior longer than in memory. Not much time had been left for visits since she had her daughter Elle. They had invited her father to christmas and Thanksgiving, of course, but Junior had known before that he would've had only come if he had to. It seemed like ages that she had last seen him. Now she had a baby sitting in her passenger seat and a thousand thoughts in her head. Her father would die and she didn't know how to feel. That was absurd! 

Kurt had wanted to accompany her, but Junior had felt it in her stomach that this visit was one she had to do alone (as alone as it was with a baby). As the streets got bumpier, she knew she would be there soon. The landscape was greener, the lakes bluer and the mountains were larger where Ennis Del Mar lived. As she drove into the dusty driveway, her heart raced. In what state would she find him? Would she even recognize him again? 

Elle was asleep when Junior lifted her into her arms and walked to the door. She knew her father would be here in the trailer rather than the somewhat remote bungalow on the ranch he built years ago. She had never understood why he preferred the small trailer. The door was open. "Dad?" 

"Junior!?" Ennis Del Mar sat at his kitchen table, a book pitched and his cowboy hat laying next to his beer. He looked almost like always: Adgrey blonde curls would-be squeezed around his face, warm brown eyes pressed together in shock. The only thing that was different was that he looked a little paler than usual. His corners of his mouth shot up and he gave his daughter a big bear hug. "Is this-?" He took the stirring Elle from Junior's arm. 

"Your granddaughter, Dad. This is Elle. Tell your grandfather Ennis ' hello ', Elle!"

She raised her daughter's little arm and mimicked a winking motion. "She looks just like you when you were little," Ennis nudged, pressing a kiss on the soft baby girl's head. "I'm obviously happy that you guys are here, Junior... but why?" Her father's wrinkled smile pulled Junior's heart together. "You're dying, Pa...Isn't it self-evident that we're coming?"

Ennis sighed deeply and sat down again. Elle had fallen back to sleep. Junior would regret not waking her now because she would be awake all night, but at this moment she didn't care. Her father's well-being was with the most important thing in her life. She was always worried about him. They remained silent for a while. That was something Junior was used to. Her father had always spoken only a few words. Only what was needed and feelings were a taboo. At times, she had felt like she was talking to her boss rather than her own father. She knew he was a good man who worked handtight a lot and gladly, but she didn't know more either...Junior noted that terrified. At that moment, she realized that she had many unanswered questions for her father. Why had he split up with her mother? Why did he never speak? Where had he been all that time ago? Who was he? 

"Of course' it matters, my dear. I was a miserable father."

"That's not true!" Protested Junior loudly, but immediately lowered her voice again as her gaze fell on Elle. "You've been...No, you've always been my hero." 

But she knew what he meant. He had been a miserable father at times.

Ennis' gaze fell into the void as he rocked Elle back and forth and again they fell silent. Junior didn't dare to speak. At one point, Junior just got up and started cleaning. She washed the dirty dishes that piled up on the sink and looked out to the lake. The sun was shining and the water was glistening beautifully. She knew she had to give her father time. This had always been the case. 

"I don't have much time left here, Alma...Junior."

The cup that Junior was holding fell on the sink without splintering. It was an ugly noise. Never in her entire life had her father called her Alma, it was her mother's name. Not even when she was a little kid. With good reason. Junior could hardly remember (almost nothing) of the time when her father and mother had lived together. Whenever she talked to her mother about it, she always curled her mouth in disgust at the mention of her ex-husband and Junior's father. Just very minimal, but Junior saw it. She also always tried to change the subject quickly. But it was certain: She was a Junior and her mom was Alma. That's just how it was. No one called her that. She didn't like to be called that. 

She slowly turned around. Her father looked at her silently. "When you came to school, ya hated that everyone called ya Junior."  
Again, Junior's heart pulled together. He had only ever wanted the best for her and it was right. She once found the name unoriginal because so many people had it. "It's good, Pa. I'm a Junior and you're not going to stop calling me that. Even now."  
"Where's Francine?" Ennis tried to distract. "Road trip through the States. She'd have to be in New York right now."

"Always been a whirlwind that one," Ennis grumbled amused at the thought of his other daughter. 

Junior dried her hands off, thought of the real Alma and took a deep breath before daring to ask the next question. "Why does Mom hate you? Why did you leave then?", she brought out a bit trembly but resolutely.  
Immediately, Ennis' posture closed in and he stopped rocking Elle back and forth. He had that look in his eyes that Junior had seen many times before. 

He looked...broken. 

Eyes far in the distance and body completely cramped. He remained mute except for a small: "Junior..." 

Damn it, she deserved answers! 

She slowly became angry. Not necessarily at Ennis, but at the complete situation. That she had always sat in the dark with all the secrets. She was angry because her father was lonely, that her mother was bitter, that her sister was having adventures somewhere in New York without her and that she couldn't do anything, even though she was always trying so hard to make it better. She was so fed up with the lies and the dodging. But arguably the worst of all was that her father would die. 

Furious, she trudged to her father's closet to clear the finished laundry, which stood buried next to it. "Wait-," said Ennis, but Junior opened the door with such a loud bang that Elle woke up. Her screaming filled the small apartment, but Junior's gaze fell on a postcard that had flown in front of her feet. 

It looked old. 

Why wasn't it with the other cards Ennis collected from his daughters in a cardboard box next to his bed? Her father made a noise as if he was trying to squeeze words out but failing. Junior picked up the pretty, but simple postcard. "That's the Brokeback." She said to no one, flipping the card. The card was addressed to a Jack Twist. Somewhere deep in her subconscious, she recognized the name, but she wasn't sure. 

She put the card, as a silent prompt, on the table in front of Ennis and took Elle from him. "I'm going to go for a walk with Elle now and when I come back we talk." She said determinedly, walking out the door without another word. She had never been taught to talk to a man like that, but she was proud to have her own head. Her father once had smiled at her awkwardly at the time, calling her "smart girl" when she once got into his car with a bloody nose because she had fought a boy who wanted to touch her. 

After the lakeside walk, Junior got Elle's doll out of the car and returned to the trailer.  
Ennis sat there, his hat clenched with both hands and didn't even look up as Junior put Elle on the floor with her toys. She sat down on the only other chair and carefully placed a hand on his arm. They had both never been the kind of people who liked to hug or shake hands, but somehow this situation was different. "Who's Jack Twist, Dad?"

"Jack fucking Twist," Ennis muttered with wistfulness and his eyes became so glassy that Junior thought he would cry right away.  
"He was-" Ennis interrupted himself and it was as if his words had got stuck in his throat. "It’s okay, Dad."

"He's been- remember I've been on fishin' trips sometimes? I once introduced him to ya, as was-"  
Again, Ennis paused and Junior realized that this conversation was a great overcoming for him. 

Somewhere it rang in Junior. She knew Mr. Twist! He had visited Dad after the divorce. He was the young handsome man she and Francine had giggled about, like stupid chickens. He had been the old colleague of her father, but whom her mother had never invited to dinner and after the trip her father had always been like boosted, even happy-...Oh.

Realisation played out on Junior's face as she connected the points. All of a sudden, it all made sense. "Oh.," she said aloud this time. She didn't know how to react and neither did her father. She had to be sure, though. "These weren't fishin' trips, were they?"

Jerked, Ennis shook his head. 

"And Mom knew..."

Entering silence resurfaced. Her own father had had an affair with another man. Surprisingly, Junior found that she felt no anger toward her father or Mr. Twist. The man who had destroyed her parents' marriage. Maybe that was a little too harsh... 

She had heard of same-sex couples before, often from her sister Francine, who travelled the world and had met all sorts of people and there was also this boy on her street who was thrown out of his home for being with another boy. They had been "caught." 

Since then, Junior hadn't spoken a word to the boy's parents. She couldn’t understand doing something like this to their own child. She'd always love Elle unconditionally.

In Wyoming and generally in the South, people were more...close-minded. It wasn't new to her that it was different elsewhere...more tolerant. 

She was religious though, through her husband and mother and she honestly didn't understand it either. She would have to lie if she claimed she hadn't prayed for the boy in her street...but maybe she didn't even have to understand it. 

All those years her father was lonely and broken...Without love, without support. He has always carries a load on his shoulders that threatened to crush him. She wished nothing but anything in the world that he was happy. 

And if that Jack Twist gave him love and made him happy, then she was beyond grateful for him. Ennis deserved to be free. 

Now he just looked at her shaken and horrified, as if she would get up and go at any moment. "No!", said Ennis aloud, as if to deny it one last time, but he also sounded tired. He was too tired to continue the fight against himself. "It's okay, Pa.," Junior said with a careful smile and now tears ran down her cheek. 

"M' sorry, Junior. I've tried'- I can't do it-"

And then Junior took her father in her arms. She understood everything now. The disgusted looks of her mother, the separation, the vulnerability of her father...for years.  
Jack Twist was dead, she suddenly realized. That was the only explanation.  
"It's okay, Dad.", she whispered again. 

"Tell me about Jack Twist. Tell me about Brokeback Mountain."

It was as if a dam had broken in Ennis. He had no tears in his eyes, but his face was skewed in pain. He got up, ran up and down and stopped in front of the closet, he looked at two shirts Junior found inconsequential.  
"He was a rodeo fuck up.", said Ennis and a tiny smile played down on his lips and all of a sudden he started telling, though quietly and thoughtfully, but more than Junior could ever hope for. 

"We had to herd those damn sheep, the first time we were on Brokeback..."

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any questions or want to give me feedback you can find me on Tumblr on mercurysstyless.tumblr.com or on Twitter @7Osfreddie. I’m obviously also always happy to receive comments and kudos. :)


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